Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Don't Fear Change

Change happens all the time. Nothing stays the same, even if it looks the same. Something has changed about a person, place, or situation long before we notice it. And once we do see the change, what do we do?

Fight against it?
Embrace it?
Ignore it?
Deny it?
Celebrate it?

I think fear of change ranks right up there with fear of public speaking as a huge phobia for most people. We like things to stay the same. We like routine. Knowing we can count on our lives to look and feel pretty much identical every day. Trusting that people in our lives will act in ways we expect them to, based on past experience.

And being the same kind of person ourselves because we are in that comfortable routine of sameness. We don't have to stretch or grow. We don't have to learn anything new. We don't have to worry about things that weren't on the radar scope yesterday - things beyond the daily concerns of home, bills,  relationships, work, family, health.

Some years ago, I made a pact with the Universe that I wanted to live a conscious life. That I would pay full price for it and follow it where it leads. I've had to pay that price a few times since I made that promise. But the price has, in the long run, been a bargain compared to what I have gained.

Right now I am  being changed from within and without. I am not fighting it. I am embracing it. I want to see what I can be if I do things differently. If I see the world differently.

So I have let go of who I've been the past 11 years. Today I did something I hadn't done in 19 years. The   neat little plan I had for the coming years was scrapped months ago, and a new plan is emerging that looks and feels completely, and wonderfully, different.

I had discovered that I am a pretty good partner in a relationship.  I am very loyal and responsible.  Those I am in relationship can count on me, no matter what it is that they face. I can organize a house, set up a reasonable budget, provide stability and plan a comfortable future. And so much more.

But I don't do well in captivity, so I am grateful today to be running free once more. I had no idea how stymied I was by being part of something rather than operating on my own. I thought I was conservative and predictable, and I am anything but. Parts of me are coming out that have lain dormant. And I like them. I've always had an edge, and now it is sharper and much more fun.

I couldn't go back if I wanted to, which I don't. There is nothing to go back to anyway. I had a life I loved and it ended. Now I am living a life I love and it is just beginning. 

When change comes along and kicks over your building blocks, know that you can sit there and cry about it for a *very long time*, or you can build something new, maybe even out of something completely different.

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